They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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