dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
