You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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