i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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