I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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