So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
