you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize