all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
