Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
