Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
