I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
