it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i need some magic done to my vagina
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize