She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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