If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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