Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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