Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
