we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
