The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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