just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
