why didn't you poke me back
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
