there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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