yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
