why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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