I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
