She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
