thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
