Pants 0. Shit 1.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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