Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
