Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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