All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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