Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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