whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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