Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
