Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
