well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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