She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
