can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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