My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
