just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Panties = found
Randomize
