you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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