yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
