What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
