I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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