We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize