ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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