So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
