grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
