I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
