How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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