Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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