Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You're like the curious george of whores
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize