Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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