I got chris browned last night
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
