when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You made out with two different species that night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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