we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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