Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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