There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
