So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
