She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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