dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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