consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
