I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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