it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
