I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
