Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize