Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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