Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
