Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
