i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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