Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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