Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
