winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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