just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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