I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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