Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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