he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
