nut hugger
she woke up with a sticky ear
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
