Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
