I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
