Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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