Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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