her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
