She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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