i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
