So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
