There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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