Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize