There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Btw I puked in your glovebox
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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