What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
