Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
