i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Drake has all the answers
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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