Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
