I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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