I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
