we have officially lost it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
