I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
