This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
