Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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