Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
