I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
