Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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