Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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