Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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