Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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