I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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