hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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