you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
